{"version":"https://jsonfeed.org/version/1","title":"Secure Attachment Solutions","home_page_url":"https://secureattachment.solutions","description":"Secure Attachment Solutions","author":{"name":"Secure Attachment Solutions"},"items":[{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/what-blocks-empathy-in-relationships-an-eft-therapists-guide","html_content":"

“I don't understand why you're so upset. It's not that big of a deal.\"

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/what-blocks-empathy-in-relationships-an-eft-therapists-guide","title":"What Blocks Empathy in Relationships? An EFT Therapist's Guide","summary":"“I don't understand why you're so upset. It's not that big of a deal.\"","date_modified":"2026-06-22T21:28:07Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/%E2%80%9Cwere-fine%E2%80%9D-what-to-do-when-couples-bring-nothing-to-therapy","html_content":"

The therapist smiles and asks his usual opening question.

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/%E2%80%9Cwere-fine%E2%80%9D-what-to-do-when-couples-bring-nothing-to-therapy","title":"“We're fine”: What to Do When Couples Bring 'Nothing' To Therapy","summary":"The therapist smiles and asks his usual opening question.","date_modified":"2026-06-15T23:45:29Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/what-every-attachment-therapist-needs-to-know-about-anger","html_content":"

The couple had barely settled into their seats when the pursuing partner launched into a familiar complaint. His voice grew louder. His frustration was palpable. As he described another week of feeling ignored and alone,...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/what-every-attachment-therapist-needs-to-know-about-anger","title":"What Every Attachment Therapist Needs to Know About Anger","summary":"The couple had barely settled into their seats when the pursuing partner launched into a familiar complaint. His voice grew louder. His frustration was palpable. As he described another week of feeling ignored and alone,...","date_modified":"2026-06-06T01:49:44Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/the-story-is-worse-than-the-truth-in-relationships","html_content":"

“You think I don’t care about you,” she says quietly, tears forming. “But when I shut down, it’s because I’m terrified I’m going to make things worse.”

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/the-story-is-worse-than-the-truth-in-relationships","title":"The Story Is Worse Than the Truth in Relationships","summary":"“You think I don’t care about you,” she says quietly, tears forming. “But when I shut down, it’s because I’m terrified I’m going to make things worse.”","date_modified":"2026-05-22T22:18:13Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/why-hold-me-tight-works-when-therapy-feels-stuck","html_content":"

About twenty minutes in, I can feel the session slipping into a familiar pattern—not because the couple lacks insight, but because of how quickly they escalate and how hard it is for them to regulate together. The cycles...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/why-hold-me-tight-works-when-therapy-feels-stuck","title":"Why Hold Me Tight Works When Therapy Feels Stuck","summary":"About twenty minutes in, I can feel the session slipping into a familiar pattern—not because the couple lacks insight, but because of how quickly they escalate and how hard it is for them to regulate together. The cycles...","date_modified":"2026-05-02T01:32:23Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/more-space-or-comfort-the-regulation-problem-in-couples-therapy","html_content":"

“I just need a minute to calm down,” he says, staring at the floor.

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/more-space-or-comfort-the-regulation-problem-in-couples-therapy","title":"More Space or Comfort? The Regulation Problem in Couples Therapy ","summary":"“I just need a minute to calm down,” he says, staring at the floor.","date_modified":"2026-04-18T00:25:00Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/mastering-interruption-in-couples-therapy","html_content":"

“See! This is exactly why I don’t try anymore!” Jenna snaps, her voice rising. “You twist everything and then act like I’m the problem!” Mark shoots back, louder, “Yeah, because you are the problem! You never shut up lon...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/mastering-interruption-in-couples-therapy","title":"Mastering Interruption in Couples Therapy","summary":"“See! This is exactly why I don’t try anymore!” Jenna snaps, her voice rising. “You twist everything and then act like I’m the problem!” Mark shoots back, louder, “Yeah, because you are the problem! You never shut up lon...","date_modified":"2026-04-10T00:52:04Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/is-my-client%E2%80%99s-partner-a-narcissist","html_content":"

I’m reviewing intake paperwork before our first session.

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/is-my-client%E2%80%99s-partner-a-narcissist","title":"Is My Client’s Partner a Narcissist?","summary":"I’m reviewing intake paperwork before our first session.","date_modified":"2026-03-31T00:04:51Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/why-your-clients-still-feel-alone-the-problem-of-flat-responses","html_content":"

The session is going great! We are hitting all of the Emotionally Focused Therapy steps in the tango. I get my client to the enactment and she leans forward, voice softer than usual. “When you raise your voice like that,...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/why-your-clients-still-feel-alone-the-problem-of-flat-responses","title":"Why Your Clients Still Feel Alone: The Problem of Flat Responses","summary":"The session is going great! We are hitting all of the Emotionally Focused Therapy steps in the tango. I get my client to the enactment and she leans forward, voice softer than usual. “When you raise your voice like that,...","date_modified":"2026-03-21T00:25:31Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/personality-as-therapy-harnessing-your-humanity-in-the-room","html_content":"

She kicked off the session with a dramatic sigh. “Well, the world is on fire again. Can you believe this?!” she asked, scrolling through headlines that left her reeling.

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/personality-as-therapy-harnessing-your-humanity-in-the-room","title":"Personality as Therapy: Harnessing Your Humanity in the Room","summary":"She kicked off the session with a dramatic sigh. “Well, the world is on fire again. Can you believe this?!” she asked, scrolling through headlines that left her reeling.","date_modified":"2026-03-13T16:58:07Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/the-messy-stage-working-stage-in-couples-therapy","html_content":"

I gently lean forward to interrupt their cycle. “Can we slow this down for a second?”

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/the-messy-stage-working-stage-in-couples-therapy","title":"The Messy Working Stage in Couples Therapy","summary":"I gently lean forward to interrupt their cycle. “Can we slow this down for a second?”","date_modified":"2026-03-07T17:20:11Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/you-have-to-assemble-relationships-ikea-style","html_content":"

The couple sits on the couch leaning slightly forward, urgency in their posture.

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/you-have-to-assemble-relationships-ikea-style","title":"You Have to Assemble Relationships, IKEA-Style","summary":"The couple sits on the couch leaning slightly forward, urgency in their posture.","date_modified":"2026-02-28T00:23:39Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/why-stating-needs-isn%E2%80%99t-enough","html_content":"

Samantha leans forward. “I’ve told him my love language is words of affirmation. I need to hear it. He never compliments me.”

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/why-stating-needs-isn%E2%80%99t-enough","title":"Why Stating Needs Isn’t Enough","summary":"Samantha leans forward. “I’ve told him my love language is words of affirmation. I need to hear it. He never compliments me.”","date_modified":"2026-02-20T23:39:54Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/if-it%E2%80%99s-hidden-it%E2%80%99s-not-healing-the-no-secrets-policy","html_content":"

He leans forward in his chair during the individual intake session and says quietly, “I had an affair. It’s over. She doesn’t know. If I tell her, it will destroy her.”

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/if-it%E2%80%99s-hidden-it%E2%80%99s-not-healing-the-no-secrets-policy","title":"If It’s Hidden, It’s Not Healing: The \"No Secrets\" Policy","summary":"He leans forward in his chair during the individual intake session and says quietly, “I had an affair. It’s over. She doesn’t know. If I tell her, it will destroy her.”","date_modified":"2026-02-14T01:48:17Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/when-the-therapist%E2%80%99s-protection-shows-up-in-the-room","html_content":"

My client’s voice grows louder, words tumbling out quickly, emotion spilling over. She leans forward in her chair, hands clenched, demanding answers her partner can’t seem to give. Across from her, her partner locks eyes...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/when-the-therapist%E2%80%99s-protection-shows-up-in-the-room","title":"When the Therapist’s Protection Shows Up in the Room","summary":"My client’s voice grows louder, words tumbling out quickly, emotion spilling over. She leans forward in her chair, hands clenched, demanding answers her partner can’t seem to give. Across from her, her partner locks eyes...","date_modified":"2026-02-06T23:37:57Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/staying-grounded-as-a-therapist-during-relationship-struggles","html_content":"

You’re sitting across from a couple who are locked in their familiar negative cycle. There is a tightening in your chest when you realize their argument mirrors the one you had at home this morning. You lean forward just...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/staying-grounded-as-a-therapist-during-relationship-struggles","title":"Staying Grounded as a Therapist During Relationship Struggles","summary":"You’re sitting across from a couple who are locked in their familiar negative cycle. There is a tightening in your chest when you realize their argument mirrors the one you had at home this morning. You lean forward just...","date_modified":"2026-01-31T00:18:39Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/common-mistakes-therapists-make-with-psychoeducation","html_content":"

The couple was talking about a familiar fight. One partner leaned forward, voice tight, saying, “I always feel like I have to chase you! The more I ask for connection, the more you pull away. What are we even doing here?...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/common-mistakes-therapists-make-with-psychoeducation","title":"Common Mistakes Therapists Make With Psychoeducation","summary":"The couple was talking about a familiar fight. One partner leaned forward, voice tight, saying, “I always feel like I have to chase you! The more I ask for connection, the more you pull away. What are we even doing here?...","date_modified":"2026-01-23T20:48:37Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/couples-therapy-after-infidelity-an-attachment-based-approach","html_content":"

The couple had been stuck in their negative cycle for weeks. In one moment we were talking about current events, and in the next the topic of a missed phone call during a medical emergency years ago surfaced. Suddenly, t...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/couples-therapy-after-infidelity-an-attachment-based-approach","title":"Couples Therapy After Betrayal: An Attachment-Based Approach","summary":"The couple had been stuck in their negative cycle for weeks. In one moment we were talking about current events, and in the next the topic of a missed phone call during a medical emergency years ago surfaced. Suddenly, t...","date_modified":"2026-01-16T23:06:41Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/emotional-safety-completing-the-loop-in-couples-therapy","html_content":"

A Look into the Therapy Room:

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/emotional-safety-completing-the-loop-in-couples-therapy","title":"Emotional Safety: Completing the Loop in Couples Therapy","summary":"A Look into the Therapy Room:","date_modified":"2026-01-10T00:50:54Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/when-vulnerability-is-met-with-protection-in-couples-therapy","html_content":"

A Familiar Moment in Couples Therapy

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/when-vulnerability-is-met-with-protection-in-couples-therapy","title":"When Vulnerability Is Met With Protection in Couples Therapy","summary":"A Familiar Moment in Couples Therapy","date_modified":"2026-01-02T21:36:49Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/slowing-the-cycle-guiding-vulnerability-in-couples-therapy","html_content":"

“I am being vulnerable,” the client protests, leaning forward in their chair. “I told them I need them to show up more. I told them how tired I am of saying the same things over and over without anything changing.”

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/slowing-the-cycle-guiding-vulnerability-in-couples-therapy","title":"Slowing the Cycle: Guiding Vulnerability in Couples Therapy","summary":"“I am being vulnerable,” the client protests, leaning forward in their chair. “I told them I need them to show up more. I told them how tired I am of saying the same things over and over without anything changing.”","date_modified":"2025-12-26T20:21:40Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/understanding-raw-spots-how-attachment-wounds-impact-the-cycle","html_content":"

A couple sits across from you, mid-session. What began as a discussion about household logistics has escalated quickly. One partner is flooded—voice raised, eyes welling—insisting their partner “does not care” about them...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/understanding-raw-spots-how-attachment-wounds-impact-the-cycle","title":"Understanding Raw Spots: How Attachment Wounds Impact the Cycle","summary":"A couple sits across from you, mid-session. What began as a discussion about household logistics has escalated quickly. One partner is flooded—voice raised, eyes welling—insisting their partner “does not care” about them...","date_modified":"2025-12-19T22:31:04Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/how-to-recognize-insecure-attachment","html_content":"

Sara came into therapy saying she wanted to work on “better communication.” She described herself as independent and capable, yet every disagreement with her partner sent her spiraling. If he pulled back, she panicked. I...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/how-to-recognize-insecure-attachment","title":"How to Recognize Insecure Attachment","summary":"Sara came into therapy saying she wanted to work on “better communication.” She described herself as independent and capable, yet every disagreement with her partner sent her spiraling. If he pulled back, she panicked. I...","date_modified":"2025-12-12T22:20:36Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/pursuer-or-withdrawer-understand-insecure-attachment","html_content":"

Mara sat on the edge of her couch, phone in hand, scouring the internet to understand this whole idea of attachment. She knew she struggled with insecurity in relationships, but she couldn’t make sense of whether she was...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/pursuer-or-withdrawer-understand-insecure-attachment","title":"Pursuer or Withdrawer? Understanding Insecure Attachment","summary":"Mara sat on the edge of her couch, phone in hand, scouring the internet to understand this whole idea of attachment. She knew she struggled with insecurity in relationships, but she couldn’t make sense of whether she was...","date_modified":"2025-12-06T01:02:47Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/identifying-the-negative-cycle","html_content":"

Taylor is sitting on the couch scrolling through emails, feeling overwhelmed by the week ahead. When Jordan walks in and sees Taylor on her phone again, he mutters, “On your phone again? I guess we won’t be having any re...

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/identifying-the-negative-cycle","title":"Identifying the Negative Cycle","summary":"Taylor is sitting on the couch scrolling through emails, feeling overwhelmed by the week ahead. When Jordan walks in and sees Taylor on her phone again, he mutters, “On your phone again? I guess we won’t be having any re...","date_modified":"2025-11-28T23:51:36Z"},{"id":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/process-over-content","html_content":"

When Clients Get Stuck in Content vs. Process: Helping Partners Connect Beneath the Surface

","url":"https://secureattachment.solutions/the-attachment-blog/f/process-over-content","title":"Process over Content","summary":"When Clients Get Stuck in Content vs. Process: Helping Partners Connect Beneath the Surface","date_modified":"2025-11-21T23:20:49Z"}]}